I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
