I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
