Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
