So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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