guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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