you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
