We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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