I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
