I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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