so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
