wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
