EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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