You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
