I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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