So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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