Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize