Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Couch. On fire.
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