two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
