You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
