I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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