Already got asked if we're dating
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
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