I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
