According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
