dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
