She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize