Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
