the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
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My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)