have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
