Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
