There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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