My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
