The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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