Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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