I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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