Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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