I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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