It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
