sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found your dick twin last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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