things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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