great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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