You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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