the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
