I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
