Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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