went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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