I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
