My liver just broke up with me...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
