Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
