oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
