I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
