"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
