there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
