dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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