Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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