Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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