yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
