You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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