Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
