Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
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