you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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