He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
