The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
