Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
