I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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