What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
