I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
