I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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