Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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