I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
