Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that's an acceptable place to lick
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
