I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
