You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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