She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
